Hard
by SheSheMimi
Summary: Zim tries to figure out what's making Dib's pants stick out. Rated "M" for sex in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

ZADR—Hard

"What's that?"

"What's what?"

"That right there."

"What? Where?"

"Right ithere/i, Dib-stink! Quit trying to cover it up! What is it?"

"Oh, what? You don't have these on your planet, Zim?"

"Do you buy it? Is it some sort of appendage? Why does it stick out so much?"

"Stick out? G-get your hands away from my pants!"

"Show me, or I'll MAKE you show me! Is it humiliating?"

"Zim, if you hadn't gotten curious: 1.) We wouldn't be in a Janitor's closet. 2.) I'd probably have to splash my face by now because it's this visible. 3.) We've missed about thirty minutes of school! If my Dad finds out I skipped class because of you, I'll get GROUNDED!"

"Well, I'm interested because you wanted me to leave you alone so much. Now, go to the bathroom if you need to unzip your pants so much!"

"For the LAST time, Zim, I DON'T need to pee!"

"Then why do you look so desperate?"

"Just MOVE it!" Dib pushed Zim aside and nearly made it out, when the alien grabbed him and pulled him back in the closet.

"Not so fast, Dib-worm! I wanna know what it is!"

"ARGH! This is so annoying! Zim, leave me alone for once!"

"What does this do?"

"OH MY GOSH! DON'T TOUCH IT LIKE—ahh~!"

The closet opened, and Dib's little sister stared at them in the awkward position they were in.

"Why is his hand on your—"

"No time to explain. Just get me out of here away from this child molester!"

Gaz pulled him out of the closet and said,

"Now go take care of your hard on, sicko!" she pushed him into the bathroom and said from outside of the door, "If Dad finds out I had to go looking for you, he'll ground me off my Game Slave 2!"

Zim watched Gaz stomp back to class.

"Hmmm… hard on? What's that?"

He intended to find out.

2


	2. Chapter 2

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 2

That evening after the preteens were able to leave school and the bell had rung, Dib felt the istrongest/i urge to brun/b home.

"Gaz, I'm going to run home. Literally. See you later!" Dib didn't even wait for her reply. Of course, being the video game addict she is, she didn't care at all where Dib was going, what Dib was doing, or why her older brother was so anxious and eager to get home.

The wanna-be Paranormal Investigator ran as fast as he could to his house, and flopped face first down on his bed.

"Man, I had no idea aliens didn't know what these things were! Well, better work it out before Gaz gets home." Dib said. He couldn't believe he had gotten another one during the school day.

As he went to work on it, he had no idea that outside his window, the alien was scaling the side of the house, trying to get unto a position where he could see what was going on in his nemesis' room. Zim could already hear some moans and pants, which only made him more curious as to what Dib was doing. Finally, he reached the window. The sight amazed him. He began taking mental notes.

'Subject has a long appendage sticking out. From what I've felt, it's hard, and humans call these "hard on's". White stuff is on the tip. He's rubbing it. I think he enjoys it. HOLY IRK! WHAT'S THAT HOOTING OUT!'

Dib relaxed as his breathing became labored and slow. He needed a nap, but he also needed to clean up his mess. Then again, nobody ever went into his room due to having a fear of having their ears talked off by him about Bigfoot, ghosts, and most of all, aliens, during which he says the name "Zim" a lot.

'Subject looks like he needs to sleep. I must see what it does some more! It's fascinating.'

"Aha! Dib-worm!" Zim now stood in the window sill.

The human gasped and stared up at the alien. He smirked at Dib's fear.

"I'm here to observe how that…. "Hard on" works."


	3. Chapter 3

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 3

"G-get away from me, Zim! There are better ways to learn about what this is!"

"I beg to differ, Dib-thing. I consider looking and feeling of it myself the best learning experience. It's clearly for knowledge." Zim approached his enemy's bedside.

"Zim, don't!" Dib said, trying not to show weakness.

"Ah, so I see that rubbing your appendage makes you weak. Well, I'll be sure to use that to my advantage from now on."

First, Zim reached his hand out to poke the white stuff on Dib's bedspread.

"What are you _doing_?"

"Testing to make sure it doesn't burn me. I think it's fine."

'Shoot…. He would've LEFT if it had hurt him….' The human thought.

"It's not an appendage! An appendage is something like a dildo that can be strapped on! Don't make me explain what a dildo is. I really don't know much about them" Dib quickly said.

"So it's attached?"

"Yes."

"I see…." Zim reached out and wrapped his fingers around it. "It's softer then it was when I last touched it…."

"I-I'm not a-aroused, Zim!"

The alien slowly began to rub his hand up and down it, feeling of it and watching Dib's reaction.

"Explain what this white stuff is."

"C-cum…." Dib wanted this to end, but it felt so _good_. It seemed like Zim knew what he was doing, despite the fact that the alien had never done this to himself before.

"Cum? Weird…. All of you humans have weird things: a weird planet, weird people, weird places, weird things, weird names…. Weird body parts…. Hard on's?"

"H-how do you mmm…. Not know about ahh~…. The birds and the b-bees?" the raven haired boy was getting quite hard against. The green alien felt it in his hands.

"Birds and…. _Bees_? More weird things. Also, Zim does not wish to hear about bees. I got captured once because of one!" after a small moment of silence, Zim added, "Don't get any ideas."

He remembered seeing Dib rub it quicker after it looked about this ready. He started to do just that.

'No…. it's coming! Oh, God…. No!'

"Ahhh~!" Dib cried out as his cum splattered all over Zim's hand and the bedspread.

"Hmm…. I have to wonder…." Zim looked at the sticky, white juices on his hand, and licked from the bottom of his palm to the top in a _very_ daring taste test. "Not bad. Dib-thing, I have more ideas."

Dib, who was still recovering from the shock of being given a hand job by his enemy, and then watching him taste his sperm gaped at him with wide eyes, and his jaw dropped.

"Shoot! There's more!"


	4. Chapter 4

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 4

"I wonder what it tastes like altogether."

Zim leaned down in between his rival's legs, and licked the head of it for another taste test. Dib let out a whimper of pleasure. He hated to think that his first blow job would be given by an alien, the ONE creature that he could truly prove wasn't human, and the one creature that had capabilities to take over Earth, and possibly destroy it. Now if he were a _girl_, it might be a different story. But even then, alien or no alien, it was a boy. It was _Zim_.

Dib watched, blushing furiously, as his enemy licked all over his hard on, clearly not minding the strange taste of his so-called "appendage". He gasped as Zim took two inches of the six inch member into his mouth, and sucked on it. He rubbed his tongue on the sides as he sucked. Finally, Dib couldn't take it. Being the horny guy he was at the moment, and being given this opportunity, he pushed Zim's head all the way down to his balls, and then back up again. He felt and heard the alien gag a little. The dark headed boy didn't mind. It would be pay back for Zim, and pleasure for him.

Zim continued to suck as his head was moved up and down. Dib stroked the human-impersonator's antennas, having no idea what affect it had on the alien. Dib felt and heard a moan from Zim. It felt good on his dick.

'Are his antennas sensitive?' testing the waters to see how this would go over with Zim, he gently massaged the tender antennas, not sure if it felt good for the alien, or if it was hurting him.

He soon decided that it brought about a good outcome for himself, seeing as Zim sucked more eagerly on his cock when he rubbed Zim's oh so sensitive parts.

Seeing that Zim was getting the hang of it, Dib let him suck on it and bob up and down on his own, and he rubbed the alien's back with on hand, and his antennas with the other.

Then, it happened. Dib felt that funny feeling in his stomach again. His muscles tensed, and he groaned as he released again, this time into Zim's mouth.

"Just…. Swallow it. Okay?" Dib panted. Zim did what he was told, and swallowed the salty goo. He took the softening erection out of his mouth and glared at Dib.

"Don't EVER do that to Zim again! My throat hurts, now!" Zim said, feeling numb in the back of his neck.

"It was payback for you, and it felt good to me. That's how it's _supposed_ to be done."

"Well, it _may_ be a learning experience, but that gives you _no_ right to do that to me!"

"What ever. Are you done yet so I can get on with my life and try to forget that you violated me today?"

"No." Zim said softly, looking away from Dib. His antennas drooped a little bit.

"What? Why not?" Dib felt annoyed, but he didn't have the heart to yell at the Irken when he had that kind of look on his face. Was it guilt?

"Because…." He moved away from Dib a little bit so he could see his newest dilemma: a long, five inch erection now stuck out between his legs. He was so confused.


	5. Chapter 5

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 5

Dib stared at it, and then looked at Zim. Some kind of Irken blush was on his cheeks: obvious embarrassment.

"D-did I make you hard? How?" Dib asked.

"I-I guess my antennas really _are_ sensitive…." Zim said. "What do I do?" Zim asked innocently, as though he hadn't just done things to Dib and was entirely clueless.

"Are you kidding me? You gave me a blow job and a hand job, and you're CLUELESS!"

Zim nodded shyly, even though he had no idea what a hand job or a blow job was.

"Okay, okay. You know what to do alone, but…. If we don't tell anyone…." Dib sighed. "We can have sex."

"Sex?"

"Seriously, Zim, how _else_ is a creature born?"

"We have the option to mate, but most of us don't know how. Irkens are cloned and given PAK's with personalities and life support in them, so most of us are machine born."

Dib blinked twice, and then face palmed himself.

"No wonder you were so curious. Okay, Zim. I pity you, so I'll show you what sex is."

"_Pity_! No one pities the almighty ZIM!" the alien said, reverting back to his cocky, over-confident self.

"Keep that up, and I won't show you ANYTHING." Dib crossed his arms.

"Okay, I'm done."

Zim seemed like a child at that moment, and he knew he had done wrong, and Dib could tell.

'Just as long as no one outside of my room finds out, this won't matter.'


	6. Chapter 6

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 6

Dib took his shirt off, and realized he had accidentally gotten some of his cum on it.

'Shoot…. I knew I should have taken this off in the first place!'

Now that he was completely exposed, he proceeded to undress Zim.

"What are you doing?" Zim backed away a little.

"You wanted to get some help with your problem, and I'm the only chance you have. Now, sit there and be submissive enough to let me help you out of those—"

"I NEVER submit to others, _Dib_!" he said his enemy's name with malice. "You should know that by now!"

"Ugh! Just MOVE IT!" Dib tackled the now struggling alien. He pinned his arms down. It seemed his legs were weaker than his arms. Not knowing anything else to do to make Zim quit shouting and struggling, he did something that surprised even himself. He kissed him. Zim's eyes widened. He didn't know what was going on, or what to do. He felt his member pulsate as the dark haired boy stroked him through his pants. Finally, Dib broke away, leaving a line of drool between them. They panted and stared into each other's eyes.

'He'd kill me right now if I told him he looked cute when he doesn't act like a jerk.' Dib thought, deciding to keep silent about it.

"Fine. You may undress Zim." The alien blushed fiercely. "But just so you know, you are lucky, no…. HONORED to be undressing the all powerful ZIM!"

"Yeah, yeah, the all powerful Zim, blah, blah, _blah_…." Dib rolled his eyes and then set to work undressing his rival. Soon, both of their clothes were a crumpled mess on the floor.

"Do you mind if I take _everything_ off?" Zim asked.

"Ha! The 'all powerful Zim' asks if _I_ want something. I thought _you_ were "in control" here." Dib laughed at his own joke.

"Oh, shut up, human."


	7. Chapter 7

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 7

"Fine, then! If you want Zim to be in control, Zim will be in control!"

The alien took off his human disguise. Now that he was fully exposed, he was ready. He wasn't sure what for, though.

"Well, Zim?" Dib said smugly. "If you know what you're doing, do it!"

For a few minutes, the extra terrestrial being pondered exactly what it WAS that he was supposed to do. He wouldn't admit it, but he had no idea whatsoever. Zim cleared his throat.

"Dib-worm, I may be in control, but you said _yourself _that you'd show me this "sex" you speak of. Now, do it my slave!"

Dib didn't buy it. He laughed so hard, for a reason he didn't know. It just struck him funny.

"Hey! Quit laughing at the almighty ZIM!"

The green one hadn't realized that the human had quit laughing, and he felt Dib's lips against his again. The ebony haired boy pulled them backwards so that Zim would fall on top of Dib.

"You're clueless, Zim. You can't deny it."

"YOU LIE!"

Dib shook his head.

"Just let your instincts take over. Even though you say Irkens don't know how, that urge is within you somewhere."

"HUMAN! JUST SHOW ME ALREADY!"

"Fine, fine! Dang…."

Dib moved into a position where he was on top of Zim.

"Man, I hate to have to do it THIS way…."

He clenched his eyes shut as he began to slowly sit down on Zim's member.


	8. Chapter 8

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 8

Zim watched in amazement as his hard on disappeared inside of Dib inch by inch. Dib somehow managed to handle the pain, and once all five inches were inside of him, he opened his eyes, which had been clenched shut, and looked at Zim.

"Once I feel about ready, we'll lay down again, and you start moving it in and out." He said.

The alien could feel the tightness of Dib's hole around his dick. It was weird, but he liked it.

'This sure is a learning experience….' Zim thought.

Not that much later, Dib finally broke the silence between them again by saying,

"I-I think I'm ready…."

Carefully, the alien pushed his enemy down on the bed.

"Not too hard at first." The human said.

"Okay…. Like this?" he slowly began to move. Dib still felt the pain, but pain was inevitable when it came to sex.

'I'm losing my virginity to an alien. An ALIEN. Zim…. Why did I let this go so far? Why did I let Zim even TOUCH me there? Am I really that desperate? I don't like him like that, but…. I guess I am.'

Slowly, the pain could hardly be felt. Zim continued pushing in and out of the silky opening, and Dib contracted a little bit.

"Is this all I do?" Zim said.

The dark haired boy couldn't believe how well Zim took this. He was going at a steady pace, and he hadn't started panting at all.

"You can move a little bit faster, now." Dib said.

He started going quicker, with much to Dib's irritation, he loved. He could feel Zim hitting something inside of him that made him feel good. He enjoyed this. Once he got a girlfriend (if he ever does), would his sex life be the same? Will he end up going back to Zim to have an enemies with benefits relationship?

Despite the look of pleasure on Dib's face, Zim could practically see the gears turning.

'What is he thinking about?'

Zim caught on to what he was supposed to do, and he picked up more speed. He started to feel something strange…. A tightening of all of his muscles. His stomach felt weird. Something was about to come out.

'Cum?' Zim wondered.

Their feelings were in sync, it seemed. They were both about to explode. Without being able to control his lips, as they came together, Dib screamed.

"ZIIIIIM!"


	9. Chapter 9

ZADR—Hard

Chapter 9

Zim fell down on Dib, and they both breathed heavily. Zim leaned up, and they looked each other in the eye. He pressed his lips to his enemy's, and they kissed each other tenderly.

About ten minutes later, Dib had thoroughly showered off, and Zim and used his cleansing chalk on himself. They met up downstairs as though nothing had happened.

"So…. What do you like to drink?" Dib offered.

"Anything that isn't water." Zim answered.

"'kay."

Dib poured some apple juice for Zim and himself, and he sat down at the table. They drank a few glasses of it, and then, Zim broke the silence.

"So…. What _is_ a dildo?"

This question caused Dib to do a surprised spit take.

"I thought we were DONE with the sexual conversations!" Dib blushed.

"I'm just curious. Tell Zim!"

"Ugh…. Fine. I found out what a dildo was when I accidentally walked in on Gaz…. Ugh…. Riding one…." Dib said, feeling disgusted.

"And?"

"I said I wouldn't tell Dad if she told me what she was doing and what it was. She told me it was masturbating, and to look up what a dildo was online."

"_And_?"

"I did, and I found out they come in several different cock shapes, colors, and some of them vibrate for extra enjoyment.

"So, Dib-thing….What do they do?" Zim asked.

"Wow, Zim. We have a LOT of work to do."

'So much for getting on with my life….'


End file.
